Aug 272015

Sat Aug 29th – Dallas Eagle- United Court of the Lone Star Empire (UCLSE) Hot Summer Blues Show from 7-10pm

*Dallas Eagle from 7-10 the South Central Leather Sir/boy & Community Boot Black send-off party to wish them luck on the road to the International LS/LB/CBB Contests.


Sun Aug 30th – Club Reflection – International Court de Fort Worth Arlington (ICFWA) Cookout and Rubber Ducky Race from 4-7pm

*Club Reflection – IGRA Show from 7-10pm

**Round-Up Saloon – TGRA-Dallas: Yellow Rose Contest from 7-11pm

Tue Sep 1st – Resource Center- NLA Dallas General Membership Meeting from 7-9pm & remember we are voting on a new MAL and having a vote & fundraiser for the Fall Frolick Silent Auction Beneficiary. Our top choice of charity goes before the NTXCC Board as our nominee. Your $1’s equal your vote for the number one choice & will go to our auction basket.

Wed Sep 2nd – Hidden Door- T-Bear Club Night from 7-10pm

The ILSB/ICBB Weekend at The Dallas Eagle

Thu Sep 3rd – Dallas Eagle – The ILSB Weekend “Wide-Opener”

Fri Sep 4th – Dallas Eagle – Leather Knights, Leather Night from 9-11pm

*Dallas Eagle – ILSB/ICBB

Sat Sep 5th – Dallas Eagle -7-10pm UCLSE: Friends Helping Friends Show w/ Donna Dumae


Sun Sep 6th – Dallas Eagle has Trash Disco Night from 5-9pm

*Club Reflection: Condom Queen of the Parking Lot; a Fundraising Event with Rubbers!

Wed Sep 9th – Fall Frolick Planning Meeting – 7pm in Dallas -at the home of Messy & Larry. We can always use more help and ideas. Please email me for the address if you would like to attend:

*Club Reflection- from 7-10 is the ICFWA & Cowtown Leathermen Game Night

Thu Sep 10th – Club Reflection- TGRA Distribution Show from 7-10pm

Fri Sep 11th – Dallas Eagle – Discipline Corps bar night from 10 – Midnight

Sat Sep 12th – United Court of the Lone Star Empire (UCLSE): Candidate Announcements

*Club Reflection rear parking lot hosts: Jennings Street Jam, all day long!

**Club Reflection-Mr Cowtown Leather Contest presented by the Cowtown Leathermen 7-9pm

***Dallas Eagle – NLA-Dallas Bar Night from 7-9pm

****Dallas Eagle – UCLSE: Danielle Star’s Stop the Bullying Show from 7-10pm


Sun Sep 13th – Discipline Corps Play-party 12-6 (see a member at the bar night for info)

*United Court of the Lone Star Empire (UCLSE) Executive Board Meeting from 1:30-3 at Youth First Texas. Then from 3-5 is the UCLSE General Membership Meeting in same location.

**Club Reflection- Cowtown Leathermen Cookout/Fundraiser from 4-7pm

***Club Reflection- ICFWA/TGRA: Turnabout Show from 7-10pm

Mon Sep 14th- Club Changes- Cowtown Leathermen Club Meeting from 7-9pm

Wed Sep 16th – SLUTS Club Night- Hidden Door Back Bar- 7:30-10:30pm

Thu Sep 17th – UCLSE: Boxers Or Briefs Auction from 7-10pm

Club Reflection-Rhonda Mae’s Wall of Food Show 9-11pm w/sponsors The Trinity River Bears

Dallas Gay Pride Weekend with parties all weekend at the Dallas Eagle

Sat Sep 19th – UCLSE: Messy’s Gay Pride Show from 6:30-10:30pm


Sun Sep 20th – Allan Ross Gay Pride Parade down Cedar Springs

*TGRA will have a Beer Booth at Lee Park at the end of the parade route

**Tarrant County Gay Pride Assoc Meeting from 3-5pm at “Baron’s House”

***Club Reflection – IGRA Show from 7-10pm


****Wed Sep 9th-Fall Frolick Planning Meeting – 7pm in Dallas -at the home of Messy & Larry. We can always use more help and ideas. Please email me for the address if you would like to attend:


****Sun Oct 4th-NTXCC Meeting Time & Location to be determined. Please email me for the detail if you would like to attend:


Aug 252015

Well, you decide. This coming Tuesday, September 1st, put your money to the vote and support the charitable cause you think needs our help. The 5th Annual NTXCC Fall Frolick Event is coming up the weekend of November 20-22. For the past two years the silent auction held during Fall Frolick has raised well over $6400 for North Texas Charities. The beneficiaries of those monies are chosen by the member clubs of NTXCC. One charity in Tarrant county and one in Dallas county.


NLA gets to vote for their choice for the Dallas county charity. Whichever one wins your support will be championed by your NLA Rep at the NTXCC Board Meeting when all of the various reps and the Board itself votes on the two recipient charities for this year’s Fall Frolick Silent Auction. Remember, 100% of the proceeds from the auction is divided between the two and NTXCC adds $1000 to each. Last year that was right at $1,652 each!


Here are the nominees put forth at the last General Membership Meeting:


1) Youth First Texas: Founded in 1999 with the sole mission of helping the more than 50,000 estimated LGBTQ youth within the Dallas/Ft. Worth Metroplex. This 501c3 nonprofit provides a mentors program, life coaching services, Email-Pals peer support group, youth leadership programs, computer training labs, recreational programs and social events, not to mention multiple support groups including Latino, young women, and high-school groups.

Find out more at:


2) Greg Dollgener Memorial Aids Fund (GDMAF, Inc): Since 1996, GDMAF has assisted over 1,500 people using more than $300,000 to meet such needs as rent, medication co-pays, utility bills, and various emergency payments. Most of those helped are on Social Security programs and/or living on low, fixed incomes that cannot meet their needs. For them, life’s unexpected emergencies can be catastrophic and lead to homelessness.

Discover how you can help at:


3) Resource Center Dallas: Starting in 1983 the Resource Center had provided programs to LGBT individuals and critical assistance to people affected by HIV/AIDS. The Center is proud of its commitment to and delivery of critical resources to those needing help during difficult times. Through fundraising, outreach programs, and community activism the Center has been a beacon of hope for the LGBT community.

See more of the many opportunities at:


4) Sharon St Cyr Fund, Inc (SSC Fund): The fund began in 2009 to bring awareness to the deaf and hearing-impaired community. Their mission is that together, with the community, the SSC Fund will create different programs to raise funds to provide hearing aids for hearing-impaired individuals and provide grants to organizations for ASL interpreting services for the deaf and hard of hearing community.

To learn about SSC go to:


How do you get to vote for the one you would like to receive this year’s funds? There will be four buckets at check in. Each will be labeled with one of the four charities and every cash bill you put in is 1 vote. So, $1 = 1 vote and $10 = 10 votes. The winner will be announced before the end of the GM that night. I will have $1’s if anybody needs change.


All the funds raised by your votes will go to buy at least one basket of goodies to go into the silent auction in the name of NLA-Dallas. If there is enough there can be two or more baskets it all depends on your generosity. Any monies not spent on the basket(s) will go directly into the recipient fund to be split between this year’s charities.


Thank you all for your generous Leather hearts.

~Boy Leo

Aug 152015
As we continue to get to know the people who make up NLA Dallas, Fred happily took the time to answer our 10 questions. Also while Fred didn’t mention it here he recently competed for the title of Great Plains Olympus Leather  and won the title.
1. What first brought you to NLA?
I first started coming to NLA in 2005, I was 21 years old and just now able to get into the bars legally, I had attended a few Discipline Corps play parties at Sanctuary but I was still trying to find myself as I was that awkward, shy person who didn’t really talk to anyone or know how to introduce myself. I started to hang out with the DFW Power Exchange at Sanctuary each month and attend Fourth Fridays at Papa’s BBQ when I heard about the National Leather Association. I came out to the monthly meetings a few times and would listen and learn, becoming a Member in October 2005 after attending my first Beyond Vanilla.

2. What is it about NLA that makes it feel like home to you?

NLA feels like home because of the people in the organization, it’s a friendly group that has always made me feel welcome at meetings. A safe place to learn about leather and kink.

3. If pressed, I’d identify myself as…

A Leather Top and a Daddy, someone who likes to teach and mentor others.

4. Define what “Leather” is to you?

Leather has always been very personal to me, it’s the feel of it on your body, the power and that hot sexy feel against your skin, the smell filling the air.

5. What are your top 3 Leather/kink passions?

Boots and Leather Care, Bondage with whatever toys I have including Rope, and Fisting.

6. What are your top 3 Vanilla passions?

Cigars, Reading and Photography

7. What was your first experience with Leather?

My first experience with leather was going down to Shades of Grey and buying my first leather vest in 2002, I had purchased it from Johnny Grey.

8. What is your most memorable Leather moment?

In 2008, I had decided to run for Gulf Coast Community Bootblack and won, I would attend a lot of events that year and finally started to feel like I was coming out of my shell, that I wasn’t that awkward, shy person anymore and as I got to know people better, they got to know me. I became more included in things and started to feel like Dallas was my home.

9. What do you feel NLA is doing well?

NLA has always made me feel included, that I was welcome regardless of how I identify or what I was into, the workshops change and cover a variety of topics I’m interested in and as a member I feel like I have a voice in the direction of the organization.
10. What changes would you like to see in NLA?
I can’t think of any changes for NLA, one thing I thought we were lacking in years past was being more social as a leather organization. We now have a bar night the second Saturday of each month at the Dallas Eagle, we are also at Fourth Friday at Papa’s BBQ more often, we have Leather Perspectives for those interested in more about the history.I think the direction we are going in is wonderful and wish more people would step up and volunteer.
Aug 132015

2015 08 Leather Perspectives

Saturday August 22nd
2:00 PM
(Doors open at 1:30 PM)
The Dallas Eagle
FREE for members
$5 for non-members (Join for $25/year!)

Facebook Event Page

FetLife Event Page

In August we will have Master Tallen speaking on His Leather Journey

For more information visit

The fourth Saturday of each month NLA-Dallas invites a person walking a leather journey, to present on leather related topic from his or her perspective (as there is no “one twue way”).

Doors will open at 1:30 pm and the class will start at 2 pm. The session will be held at our local leather & Levi bar, The Dallas Eagle!

• This class is FREE to NLA Dallas members and $5 for non-members.
• Bring a friend with you who might be interested in the leather/fetish/SM lifestyle!
• Members, please be sure to bring your current NLA card.
• Non-members can join for $25/yr.
Attendees must be at least 21 years of age based on the location.

Leather Perspectives is a monthly event sponsored by NLA-Dallas. NLA-Dallas is a DFW based organization focused on the education of those interested in and/or living the leather/SM/fetish lifestyle. As a gateway leather club, NLA-Dallas is open to people of all walks of life regardless of orientation or identification. We invite you to join us for a General Membership meeting on the first Tuesday of each month, a Leather Perspectives on the fourth Saturday of each month, or an Advanced Workshop each quarter.

Master Tallen’s Bio

International Mr. Olympus Leather 2011

Master Tallen came into the Master/slave lifestyle in 1997 as a slave. He began his evolution into Mastery in early 2002 and is proud of where his journey has taken him. He has experienced a lot on both sides, and with the help of many, has been exposed to numerous perspectives. He enjoys sharing his experiences with others and trying to help them find their own paths. He has presented classes and judged Leather Contests all over the U.S. and beyond.

Currently Master Tallen is an owner of Great Plains Olympus Leather Contest, is the Executive Producer of International Puppy and Trainer Contest, and is on the Board of Regents of Leathermens’ Academy. He is a Member of NLA Dallas, DPEX, and MAsT.

In 2005, he created the Master/slave Flag. In 2008 he won the Leather title as Northeast Master. In 2011 he became Mr. Great Plains Olympus Leather, and subsequently was honored to be selected as International Mr. Olympus Leather 2011.

He loves sharing what he has experienced as well hearing from others. He is also honored to have received many Pantheon of Leather nominations over the years. But the most rewarding thing of all has been the countless number of people he has helped along in their own journeys. Their successes, and words of thanks to him, mean more than anything.

Aug 022015

We are bringing back the members spotlight and will be highlighting two of our members every month so we can all get to know each other a little better. Our first highlighted member is our new Female Co-Chair Audra.

Audra has graciously agreed to answer these 10 questions to help us get to know her better.

1. What first brought you to NLA?

My friends were involved and I was intrigued with what being leather was. I figured the easiest way to learn was to come to meetings and watch and learn.

2. What is it about NLA that makes it feel like home to you?

The friendships. The fact that we might not agree on how to accomplish a goal but in the end most of us will compromise to do what is best for the group.

3. If pressed, I’d identify myself as… a leather service oriented slave with a side of brat and a smidge of sarcastic little. :)

4. Define what “Leather” is to you?

To me it is a family of individuals who uphold honor, integrity, and honesty who work together and while holding each other accountable are forgiving of mistakes made that are awcknowledged and worked on to not happen again.

5. What are your top 3 Leather/kink passions?

Bootblacking, knives and education

6. What are your top 3 Vanilla passions?

Molding our kids to be stewards of their future , reading, coloring lol

7. What was your first experience with Leather?
I was honored to be surrounded by people who were leather from the second I stepped into the lifestyle however my first experience outside of just small interactions was going to my first event at Women in Leather and the easy camaraderie and feeling of family and acceptance that I found. Of course those feelings were after I got used to feeling like prey. :)

8. What is your most memorable Leather moment?

I have two when I was gifted my “boots” and later my vest. My boots fit my personality since they were three pairs of leather heels. :) Some don’t get it or approve but it’s my journey not theirs so I get to walk it on my terms. The boots and vest were all legacy items owned by the individual who honored me with them.

9. What do you feel NLA is doing well?
I feel we are finally coming together setting our differences aside and trying to move the organization forward together. We still have challenges but if we work together we can do it.

10. What changes would you like to see in NLA?

I would like to see us having frank honest conversations with each other. If you think someone is doing something wrong or not above board then go ask them  about it first. Their answer might surprise you. Remember whispering behind backs and spreading unverified rumors will destroy us not move us forward. If your scared to ask them come to me because I am not afraid to ask difficult questions.

Jul 282015

Thu July 30th- Best Friends Club – International Court de Fort Worth Arlington (ICFWA) Through The “Steampunk” Looking Glass from 7-10pm

Fri July 31th – Dallas Eagle – United Court of the Lone Star Empire (UCLSE) Beach Ball Show from 7-10pm

Sat Aug 1st – Hidden Door – Miss Leo Contest & Show from 7-10pm

Club Reflection – ICFWA: Empress’s Birthday Bash from 8-10pm.


Sun Aug 2nd – United Court of the Lone Star Empire (UCLSE) Executive Board Meeting from 1pm-3 at Youth First Texas & from 3-5 the UCLSE General Membership Meeting at same.

Tue Aug 4th – Resource Center- NLA Dallas General Membership Meeting from 7-9pm

Wed Aug 5th – Hidden Door- T-Bear Club Night from 7-10pm

Fri Aug 7th – Dallas Eagle – Discipline Corps bar night from 10 – Midnight

Sat Aug 8th – Dallas Eagle – NLA-Dallas Club Night from 7-9pm


Sun Aug 9th – Discipline Corps Monthly Play-party 12-6 (talk to a member at the monthly Friday bar night for more information)

Thu Aug 13th – Fall Frolick Planning Meeting (date subject to change for the 19th so check with me) 7pm in Dallas at the home of Rodney Riles. We can always use more help and ideas. Please email for address and to make sure of the date:

Sat Aug 15th – NTXCC Meeting from 2-4pm at Club Reflection


Wed Aug 19th – SLUTS Club Night- Hidden Door Back Bar- 7:30-10:30pm

Thu Aug 20th – Club Reflection – Rhonda Mae’s Wall of Food Show 7-11pm sponsored by The Trinity River Bears

Fri Aug 21st – Dallas Eagle: UCLSE – Leather & Lace Show from 8-10pm

Sat Aug 22nd – Dallas Eagle: NLA-Dallas Leather Perspectives (TBA:

The Mr Dallas Eagle & Mr Texas Leather Fundraiser Show with host Larry Carter 7-10pm

also at The Dallas Eagle at 9pm is the boy-pup Max Cigar Social & Fundraiser on the patio


Sun Aug 23th – Cancer Care Services-FW- ICFWA Board Meeting from 1-3pm

Trinity River Bears 4th Sunday; 12:30 brunch at Shaw’s; then to Club Reflection for Club Meeting from 2:30-4 & Club Cookout & Fundraiser from 4-6

Tue Aug 25th – Resource Center- NLA Dallas EC Meeting from 7-9pm

Wed Aug 26th – Hidden Door- UCLSE Club Night 7:30-10:30

Sat Aug 29th – Dallas Eagle- UCLSE Hot Summer Blues Show from 7-10pm

Dallas Eagle from 7-10 the South Central Leather Sir/boy & Community Boot Black send-off party to wish them luck on the road to the International LS/LB/CBB Contests.


*August 13th-Fall Frolick Planning Meeting (date is subject to possible change for the 19th so do check with me) – 7pm in Dallas -at the home of Rodney Riles. We can always use more help and ideas. Please email me for the address if you would like to attend:


*August 15th-NTXCC Meeting 2pm Club Reflection

Jul 072015

Wednesday July 8th

Club Reflection- International Court de Fort Worth Arlington (ICFWA) Barbie Doll Happy Hour from 5:30-6:30pm. Then from 7-10 is the ICFWA/TGRA Game Night also at Club Reflection

SLUTS Club Night- Hidden Door Back Bar- 7:30-10:30pm

Friday July 10th – G.P.O.L. Contest @ The Eagle (see

Dallas Eagle – Discipline Corps bar night from 10 – Midnight

Saturday July 11th – G.P.O.L. Contest @ The Eagle (see

Dallas Eagle – NLA-Dallas Club Night from 7-9pm

Dallas Eagle – Harness Night from 10pm-2am

Club Changes- Wall of Food Show 7-10pm

Sunday July 12th

Discipline Corps Quarterly Meeting & Play-party 12-6 (see a member at the bar night for info)

United Court of the Lone Star Empire (UCLSE) Executive Board Meeting from 1:30-3 at Youth First Texas. Then from 3-5 is the UCLSE General Membership Meeting in same location.

Club Reflection- Cowtown Leathermen Cookout/Fundraiser from 4-7pm

Dallas Eagle- UCLSE Hot Summer Nights Show from 6-9pm

Club Reflection- ICFWA Basket Auction from 7-10pm

Monday July 13th

Club Changes- Cowtown Leathermen bar night from 7:30-10pm

Leather Nights Membership Meeting from 7:30-9:30 at Youth First Texas

Thursday July 16th

Club Changes- Wall of Food Show 8-10pm

Saturday July 18th

Club Reflection – ICFWA: Crown Jewel Steampunk Ball from 6-10pm

Sunday July 19th

Tarrant County Gay Pride Assoc (TCGPA) meeting at Baron’s House from 3-5pm

Club Reflection- Cowtown Leathermen Cookout/Fundraiser from 4-7pm

Dallas Eagle – Back to the 80’s Dance Party from 5-9pm

Club Reflection- TGRA Candidate Show from 7-10pm

Tuesday July 21st

ICFWA: Board Meeting from 6:30-8:30 at Tarrant County Samaritan House

Wednesday July 22nd

Hidden Door- UCLSE Club Night from 7:30-10:30pm

Club Changes- Wall of Food Meeting 8-10pm

Saturday July 25th

515 Club – ICFWA Ice Cream Social from Noon-1pm

Dallas Eagle: NLA-Dallas Leather Perspectives from 1:30-3:30pm

Hidden Door – TGRA: Yellow Rose Candidate Show from 6-10pm

Dallas Eagle – UCLSE: Christmas in July Show from 7-10pm

Club Changes- Wall of Food Show 9:30-11:30pm


*July 27th-Fall Frolick Planning Meeting – 11am in Dallas -at the home of Pancho and Larry. We can always use more help and ideas. Please email me for the address if you would like to attend:


*August 15th-NTXCC Meeting 2pm Club Reflection


*For more calendar dates and general information about NTXCC & Fall Frolick just go to: 

Jul 072015

By Bushido Bard

“Does wearing leather make you Leather?” Ms. Boots asked the assembled crowd gathered at the Dallas Eagle. What is Leather and what is being “into leather”? Is there a difference? She asked these questions and waited to hear everyone’s responses. Everyone’s answer was similar but the idea was to gauge how the older and younger members of Leather replied. For the June Leather Perspectives we were treated to the wisdom and advice from Ms. Boots.

“There is a clear distinction between being Leather and ‘into leather’,” Ms. Boots continued. She continued to say that a person of Leather demonstrates with their actions that they are indeed Leather. Someone who is simply interested in leather or maybe is just “into” leather, does not commit to the culture or principals of Leather. There is nothing wrong between the two; it is important to know the difference and know who you are. One is a culture or a family, the other simply a fashion choice. Both are equally fine!

Ms. Boots received her introduction into Leather when she came into contact with a biker gang. During those days Leather folk wore denim but the family environment was still the same. Immediately she was struck by the sense of duty and honor that these people demonstrated to each other! “That’s when I learned that Leather looks out for each other”, she stated. She suffered some hard times and the Leather folk there helped her out as best they could; she was never abandoned. She eventually had to move herself and her family to a different area of the country but she knew she could seek out other Leather folk wherever she went.

Leather is more than just what we wear. Leather is something you are and you do not cease to be simply because of what you’re clothed in. “If I walk in here without wearing leathers am I still Leather?” she asked the assembled group. She continued, “If I put on my Master’s Cover, am I now Leather?” The questions received non-verbal answers as she further explained that what we wear does not define us so much as our attitude and actions. As a community, it does not matter what we wear but if we define ourselves as Leather, then we should hold ourselves to these standards regardless of where we are.

“Leather promotes the values of duty, honor, respect, and integrity; these are things that bind us together and make us a family.” This particular part of the presentation meant a great deal to her as she seemed to concentrate more and it was as if she wanted to stress these points. “Be true to yourself.” After this she paused and continued, “Leather is freedom. Leather is also family. Whatever brought you here, wherever you’re from, whatever called you to this point, you are now in a family.” This statement was received with grand approval from those listening to her this day. “We look out for each other because we all chose this path; we know hardships about a society that does not accept what we do. Although our world is slowly beginning to recognize and possibly accept BDSM, we are still not totally there.”

She also shed some light on the modern thought that BDSM and Leather are the same thing. While certainly BDSM culture follows very similar practices of Leather, the two were once separate. Even today, the two can still be separate; it is not required that you practice both. “Twenty or so years ago everything about Leather or BDSM was still very much underground; that was before the Internet happened,” she smirked. Not wanting to comment on the why’s and how’s the Internet has changed our lifestyle, she was quick to point out that BDSM, Power Exchanges, M/s relationships, and erotica in general is slowly becoming more accepted in vanilla society. She smiled and said, “We still have a ways to go folks!”

On the subject of change Ms. Boots was prolific in the telling of her personal experiences and to remember that everything changes. “Your life, your family, your Leather identity, and even your desires; all will change,” she solemnly intoned. Drawing from her own life she explained that she started with one goal in Leather and it changed; over and over. She began as a submissive but her mentor helped her realize that her calling was not submissive at all… After some time she became the social director for Beyond Vanilla and instituted changes that still reach us today. The most notable being the Friday Night Entertainment! She also held several officer positions within the National Leather Association Dallas Chapter including co-chair. In this way, she humbly said to us all, she fulfilled her sense of duty to the principles of Leather.

When Ms. Boots suffered some health issues, she had to cut back on her participation in Leather activities. “This comes back to when I said that things will always change,” she restated. With a heavy heart she continued, “I cannot commit myself like I used to; this hurts! Because of my health issues I do not know if I can attend or perform at events like I used to.” She further explained that this is when you learn how to support your local Leather community in different ways. Again, she reminded us of the inevitability of change.

Her dedication has never wavered away from her Leather path. Currently Ms. Boots still offers wisdom and advice, with great humility, to anyone who will ask. After she finished her presentation, to grateful and incredible applause, she entertained questions from the audience. Some of the members of the audience had known Ms. Boots for many years and shared some of their favorite memories of her. It was clear to anyone that knew her that she has been an influential member of the Dallas Leather community.

When asked what her fondest memory of her NLA Dallas experience was she was fast with her response, “the family and camaraderie! The knowledge that Leather is acceptance, friendship, and the family you choose.” However Ms. Boots chooses to spend her time within the Dallas Leather community from now on, she has already left a lasting legacy that will live on in many Leather folk. A wonderful woman who gave us a few hours of her time had these lasting words, “Your kink and your life will evolve, but never lose your Leather!”

Jun 192015

Shrink Rap!” July 2015

Dennis C. Hartzog, M.Ed., LPC

Hi! Welcome back to “Shrink Rap!” It’s been a very long time since I’ve done this column for the Newsleather. I’m taking this opportunity to use this column to address an important issue within our community. Each month more and more individuals are experimenting with new and alternative behaviors and life styles. That includes Polyamorous relationships. This has been a healthy relationship choice that has enriched their life and those of their partners. For others however, it has been a disaster that has resulted in physical, emotional, and psychological pain. That trauma in not an inherent feature of poly relationships. It is a result of how many folks are going about being poly.

A poly client recently sent me a copy of the transcript below that is a blunt but honest description of the differences between healthy polyamory and un-healthy (in her words: “Fucked Up”) poly relationships. I wanted to use this column to share it with you.

On the Difference Between Polyamory and Fucked Up,”

Rachel Greene, (Transcript)

When I tell people I’m in a polyamorous relationship, a lot of times they think I’m talking about this other type of open relationship called “fucked up.”

They think that agreeing not to be exclusive means that my partners and I make a point to sleep with lots and lots of people and have no accountability for each other’s feelings because “well, we agreed to it.” That is fucked up.

Choosing to open your relationship because that relationship isn’t working but you’re too co-dependently tangled up in each other’s shit to admit that,

and then brining a third or fourth or fifth or by extension sixth person into your big sloppy joe mess, which then turns into more of an all-you-can-eat buffet of weirdness and dysfunction, is fucked up.

Coercing your partner into opening your relationship because you are incapable of fully appreciating what you have and only find satisfaction in seeking more, or because you would rather paint an imaginary sunrise than quietly watch as the sun rises, is fucked up.

Widening your web will pull on the threads of trust and understanding you have woven, so polyamory is opening your relationship because these threads between you are strong.

Polyamory is being friends with your lover’s lover, or not being friends with them, or being their lover too, but knowing that you cannot truly gain at their expense.

On the other hand, playing along while muttering incantations to make your lover’s other partners disappear, finding every chance to display yourself like a blue ribbon pig at a fair, or taking care of your partner in ways they aught to take care of them self just to make sure that they need you as much as you think you need them, is fucked up.

Getting tested for STDs is polyamory.

Lying is fucked up.

Communicating with your partners about your other relationships is polyamory.

Not communicating and being passive aggressive is fucked up.

Making the effort to figure out what actually works for everyone is polyamory.

Being a selfish, manipulative shit head is fucked up.

Polyamory is not the man going off to the whorehouse while the woman is stuck at home with the kids. That’s like some kind of vintage-style fucked up.

Polyamory is him/her asking me about my date because he/she wants to share my excitement. His/her jealousy all mixed up with inspiration and transformed into attentive, honest caresses. His/her jealousy is not fists sinking into curved bodies in a sick plea for validation.

His/her jealousy is not guilt trip or ownership or running away.

I have a confession: I’ve done fucked up. And my partners have done fucked up. But it’s hard when all the songs on the radio tell us polyamory is fucked up. Those songs tell me I deserve someone who can “gimme all their lovin’,” but an exclusive mutual ownership contract is not the only thing that allows hearts to be true.

I deserve someone who I can trust enough to watch their heart be free. I deserve someone who can maintain their sense of self-worth long enough to realize that no one person can, or should try, to meet all of my needs for love and connection.

For me, polyamory is freely discovering what unique emergent property we can create when our elements collide, rather than following a frantic quest for perfection in the form of one shining soul.

We all deserve to be loved for who we are, not what someone has always wanted us to be. And don’t assume that our genuine attempt to find what we deserve is somehow fucked up.


Recently I have been very fortunate to work and refer clients to two mental health professionals; Brent Glass, M.Ed., LPC, and Shawn Chrisman, M.S., LPC. who are highly skilled and very open to working with members of alternative life-style communities, including Kink and Poly, who are in need of counseling. One of their areas of expertise is Poly relationships. They have agreed to do a presentation on healthy Poly relationships at the July 7, 2015 NLA Dallas meeting. It is a great chance to come and meet these skilled and caring professionals and also get some factual and useful information on making your relationships healthy! I look forward to seeing you all again, and introducing Brent and Shawn to you.

Warm regards, Dennis H.

Jun 172015

By Bushido_Bard

In a world…  Where people gather to sing…  One charity; eight songs…  Money flying everywhere…  Four motley fools shaking their asses and mouths!  Beyond Vanilla 25’s first launch party of 2015 was a screaming success.  The Dallas Eagle was proud to host the famous lip sync battle that followed the beginning of the Beyond Vanilla 25 season.  If you missed it, you…really…missed it.  Here’s why…


First, the four contestants were paraded before the crowd so the audience could glimpse the “fresh meat” that was to be displayed before them.  Mama Payne was on hand to emcee the event and she was in full swing with introductions and a running, witty commentary.  Soon the contest began with Malcolm, TC, Leo, and yours truly Bard, dancing and flaunting themselves along with their chosen song selections.


Our heroes were not just dancing and gyrating for the fun of it however…  Although it could be said that these four do not need much in the way of motivation to get up and act like fools.  Funds were being raised for the Sharon St. Cyr Fund and the HPOL/IPTC Travel Funds.  Audience members were encouraged to donate to these causes in the form of tipping the dancers/singers as they performed.  In some cases the entertainers offered their belts and hips in order for audience members to slip dollar bills inside.  Why use the money bucket in front when you can have a more personal experience?!


TC and Malcolm raised enough money to go on to the second round to determine first place, while Bard and Leo fought for third.  The songs became more personal and raunchy for the second rounds…  Two participants decided that more flesh must be flashed in order to achieve victory; Bard and TC.  While TC began his second song without his shirt, the Bard decided that losing the shirt during the song in an ode to 80’s music videos was the surest path to victory.  Alas, yours truly did not raise more money than TC and he was crowned the winner of the lip sync battle for 2015.


When the dust had cleared and Mama Payne was handed the results, we had raised $600 for Sharon St. Cyr Fund and the HPOL/IPTC Travel Funds!!  A great thank you goes out to all the people who competed and for the Dallas Eagle for hosting.  The hard working folks of the Beyond Vanilla Committee put together a wonderful show that was enjoyed for all in attendance.  A few of us had to leave before the bar closed, but the manner in which people were talking about the show proved it was a night worthy of the Leather Gods!
A huge thank you to all that donated and signed up for Beyond Vanilla 25!!!