Shrink Rap! (July 2013)
Dennis C. Hartzog, M.Ed., LPC
Hi! Welcome to “Shrink Rap!” My hope is that this monthly column will be a safe place to discuss issues related to having a safe and healthy Kink/Leather/BDSM relationship. I encourage you to submit any questions you may have, or issues that you would like to see discussed to my website: www.Dchartzoglpc.com. You do not have to divulge your name or scene name, and can remain anonymous. If you go to the “Contact Me” page, just fill the first three boxes with “X’s” and put your question or issue in the message box and I will get it.
I am married to the head of a large Leather poly family. The agreement that my spouse and I have is that I get vetting privileges with all his other poly partners. He and I have barrier free intercourse, but have an agreement that condoms are to always be used with other partners (his and mine). We have both recently tested positive for Chlamydia. I am disappointed and angry that he broke our agreement and now I have to suffer the consequences. He was furious with the family member who lied about her status and knowingly infected him. Over the weekend he beat her to the point that we had to take her to the emergency room. She says that it was abuse and is threatening criminal action. He states that it was within his right as her Master to administer punishment for lying to him. He says that if she files charges against him for abuse, he’ll file charges against her for infecting him. Our poly family seems split over these events, and I am just very confused. I want to support my spouse (also my Master), but am angry over the betrayal. I also think that he went too far with the slave, and he is furious at me for saying that and “taking her side.” Left spinning own south…….
There are several issues here to respond to:
A broken agreement between you and your spouse, which is a violation of trust.
Having been infected with two STD’s that will require medical treatment.
The slave lying to her Master and knowingly infecting him with STD’s.
What constitutes reasonable and appropriate punishment by a Master to a slave?
Possible criminal action for infecting someone with an STD, or for abuse.
Trust is of primary importance to all relationships in our community. The lying and violation of trust extends beyond just you and your spouse. It has impacted on all family members and needs to be dealt with before it causes a breach in the family structure that cannot be healed, if that has not already happened.
I would recommend that all family members get tested for STD’s. Chlamydia is caused by a bacterium. Both men and women can be infected. Untreated, it can result in serious permanent damage to a female’s reproductive organs. Many cases go unreported because individuals who are infected may not have symptoms and therefore have not sought treatment. Medical authorities are required to report all known cases of STD’s to their local health department, and you may be contacted by someone to discuss and get the names of all individuals that you, your spouse, and the slave have been sexual with. You should contact your family doctor as soon as possible to begin treatment.
A Master does in fact have a right to discipline a disobient slave within the mutually negotiated boundaries agreed upon within the Master-slave contract. Non-consensual punishment that results in needed medical care in an emergency room is abuse and is a crime. The slave is within her rights and is justified in pursuing criminal charges if she chooses to do so. Hopefully, the ER staff referred her to a victim’s rights representative for follow-up medical and emotional treatment.
The issue of the Master suing the slave for knowingly infecting him with an STD is more complex. My legal sources advise me that if someone lies about not having an STD for the intended purpose of infecting others it is illegal and criminal charges can be filed. If however, the infected individual knowingly infects others out of recklessness or carelessness, it is not illegal. Both individuals may need to consult lawyers to decide what is in each of their best interests.
This is a very complex situation involving several individuals. I strongly recommend that the family and its members seek professional help. The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom has a Kink Aware Professional listing of lawyers and mental health professionals in central Texas. This can be accessed by going to their web-site.
I wish each of you success in whatever decisions and actions you take to recover from this difficult situation.
The number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline is: