M/s dynamics and relationships are as rewarding as they are difficult. It is not a lifestyle choice that anyone should rush into for themselves. There are just as many, if not more, pitfalls of “normal” relationships to navigate through; choose this path carefully. Neko and koneko have been on this journey together for many years now and they shared some of their experiences and wisdom for us. Or as Neko said it, “Experience is when you learn from your own mistakes. Wisdom is learning from others mistakes.”
In his early twenties Neko attended a party where he saw a woman being served and attended to. Immediately intrigued, he began talking with her and those serving her and he discovered a new life. For roughly eighteen months he was in service to her but as he puts it, “I was a poor servant to her; I had control issues.” Grinning, he explained that it did not take long to discover that he might belong on the other side of the slash. She agreed and he began learning how to master himself. He spent much of his time learning how to care for others and how to properly live.
koneko came into this life rather early when, smirking as she related it, “I liked hanging out in bars at a young age whether it was legal or not.” She continued with, “I also found out quickly, that I enjoyed kinky sex!” She entered her first M/s relationship when she married her husband. When the relationship ended she entered into another with a woman who allowed koneko to continue growing. She discovered many things about herself but she commented, “I found that I really enjoyed watching others receive pleasure; I loved it!” It was during this time that she also provided safe places for those in the Wiccan or kink communities.
It would be at a Pagan ceremony where they first met and soon they began dating. Eventually koneko petitioned Neko for service and they moved in together along with koneko’s partner. Together they learned about many aspects of this lifestyle together and their journey began in earnest. At this point in their presentation they both said, “Don’t walk another’s path! You must walk your own.” They were also free with some of their own difficulties in their early experiences. Suffice to say that communication and honesty were key to the survival. koneko pointed out, “We experience the same struggles that other relationships have; loved ones needing attention, family obligations, etc. Everything gets dealt with while we maintain our dynamic.”
Neko and koneko continued explaining how their relationship developed and continues to grow into the future. “Our dynamic is not rigid; it’s rather quite fluid,” Neko said, “mistakes have been made, but you grow from them.” It is important to remember that the relationship is one of Master and slave; not husband & wife or boyfriend & girlfriend. There is an exchange of power and authority in effect. koneko explained one aspect of their relationship concerning limits when she added, “He will push me to do things I may be scared or hesitant to do. I trust him that what I am doing is for my good.” Neko supported her comment by adding, “She is my slave and that means she is still important. I care for and protect her.”
Together Neko and koneko began a Leather House by the name of Blood and Ice. The name references blood being a force of life and ice representing control. The Code of Bushido features very prominently within their house as well. This famous code of the Samurai holds seven virtues in high regard; Integrity, Respect, Courage, Honor, Honesty, Loyalty, and Compassion. Neko offered this explanation, “All of these virtues are the foundation but I favor loyalty and trust. I expect the same things in others as I do myself.” They further explained that this code gives them a sense of consistency in their lives. When your actions coincide with your beliefs, you are at your most truthful. “Who you are comes from within,” he finished.
“Living in a M/s dynamic is not for everyone and it requires the usual relationship management skills,” koneko continued, “communication, honesty, and loyalty are the key.” They carry their beliefs into all their relationships. Both of them are polyamorous and this too requires careful thought and attention to their M/s dynamic. In closing, they offered various thoughts on their own experiences and observations from others. They both were in agreement when they said, “If it’s not fun, then why are you doing it?” Be communicative and honest and your M/s relationship can survive!